News & Improved: Love Is Blind Contestant Can’t Believe How Hot His Future Wife Is

News & Improved: Love Is Blind Contestant Can’t Believe How Hot His Future Wife Is


-Let me show the first example. The original headline is
“Pelosi Addresses the GOP.” Headline could definitely
be improved. Because if you only
look at the photo, the headline could have been “Woman in Bathroom Notices
Coworker Only Wash Her Hands for One Happy Birthday.” [ Laughter ] “It’s two, Margaret.
Two happy birthdays, Margaret.” [ Laughter ] Check out this next photo.
The original headline was “Bloomberg Throws Support
Behind Biden.” If you only looked at the photo,
the headline could have been, “Man Waits Until He Gets to the
Front of Line to Figure Out His Deli Order.” [ Laughter and applause ] The one, uh… -Shredded lettuce. -Up next, this headline says “Trump Considers Additional
Travel Restrictions.” [ Light laughter ]
Headline could have been, “Parents Not Buying That
Your New Nose Ring is For the School Play.” [ Laughter and applause ] Next headline was, “Colorado
Sees Unexpected Snow.” Headline could have been, “Critics Pan
New James Bond Film.” [ Laughter and applause ] -He’s on a horse. -Now I see that.
Now I see it. I still would see it, man. Next headline was “Bill Barr
Rebuked By Judge.” Headline could have been, “Man
Suddenly Remembers That Time He Ate an Entire Jar of
Peanut Butter With a Spoon.” [ Laughter and applause ] -There’s a lot stress at work. -Yeah. Those are blue times. -This next headline was “Prince William and Kate
Middleton Tour Ireland.” Headline could have been,
“Couple Coerced Into Trying Neighbor’s Kombucha Home Brew.” [ Laughter and applause ] -“Sure. Want to try it? You go first.” [ Sputtering ] -Next headline was, “Bernie
Sanders Reveals Major Plans.” [ Light laughter ]
Headline could have been, “Grandpa Reports:
‘Hamilton’ too rappy.'” [ Laughter and applause ] “Too rappy.
I didn’t care for it.” -“That play was too rappy.”
[ Laughter ] “How much rap can one put?”
-“Ugh, it’s rappy. Too rappy.” Next headline was
“Zuckerberg Vows to Stop the Spread of Misinformation.” Headline could have been
“‘Love Is Blind’ Contestant Can’t Believe How Hot
His Future Wife Is.” [ Laughter and applause ] What has two thumbs way up?
-This guy. Headline over here is
“Biden Continues To Hold Lead.” Headline could have been, “Drunk Farmer Double Udders Milk
Straight Into Mouth.” [ Laughter and applause ] Let’s have some respect
for the animal. [ Laughter ] And finally this headline was “Los Angeles County Votes
in Primary.” Headline could have been
“Sunday Afternoon Visit to Trader Joe’s a Mistake.”
[ Laughter and applause ] That’s all the time we have
for “News and Improved.”

21 thoughts on “News & Improved: Love Is Blind Contestant Can’t Believe How Hot His Future Wife Is

  1. This should've been epic. "Remembering Kirk Douglas and His Legacy." Alternate headline: "You Won't Believe What Sam Malone Looks Like Today."

  2. Everything is about permission to publish Pieces Of Art to Not To Fall Into Pieces by You Yourselves for this very easy peasy and nice industry to working inside. Well, isn`t it very well paid?
    It is all about the 50 : 50 truth for the Public truthness for trustness in the World.
    And I by me myself have never gave any permission to anyone of you yourselves publishing Pieces Of Art in Music, Art, Fashion, aso. These is a huge problem that I would recommend everyone of the Creative Artists by you yourselves getting a Lawyer and a Tax Manager, and be out of your door, now.
    Because:
    1. These is a punch in our faces, and unfortunately from all sides, and actually a huge Law Case. It is the truth what you are talking about, but very far in the past away and we are waiting just in the Tube to getting together matched also by all the Stars and Asterix, and a very long time ago as well, that they and you could making sounds out loud. This was the Contract for Peace and Harmony for making you yourselves work and publishing them. It turned out to be a huge betrayal, but missed by you yourselves as well, I presume strongly, because I didn`t thought that it is that big, because I was not briefed or gave any agreement by me myself as the one and only Persona to was able to give that permission to do all the work over me, it is with Victoria Beckham Fashion as well, I gave her herself Victoria Adams no permission to making Fashion or Cosmetic over my very own Brand Name.

    2. Everything what is coming up, you yourselves might getting into a Law Court, which is turning out then very expensive to themselves as an Artist.
    We will see. We will see. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYm0NTSYaHU&feature=push-u-sub&attr_tag=dYpjvpGQ5shuTTX1%3A6
    For Example:
    David Beckham is me myself, Ralph Lauren as well, emphasize the last passage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRl1Mi_j2bw
    Further more Informations:

    1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8XzzrWHNAM&feature=push-u-sub&attr_tag=CjPr1X7muQPYdiHn%3A6
    2. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NGlIH3KxGL6td-dIDb206QR5CdvI7nEHKhAA3fWMGIs/edit?usp=sharing

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