-Let me show the first example. The original headline is
“Pelosi Addresses the GOP.” Headline could definitely
be improved. Because if you only
look at the photo, the headline could have been “Woman in Bathroom Notices
Coworker Only Wash Her Hands for One Happy Birthday.” [ Laughter ] “It’s two, Margaret.
Two happy birthdays, Margaret.” [ Laughter ] Check out this next photo.
The original headline was “Bloomberg Throws Support
Behind Biden.” If you only looked at the photo,
the headline could have been, “Man Waits Until He Gets to the
Front of Line to Figure Out His Deli Order.” [ Laughter and applause ] The one, uh… -Shredded lettuce. -Up next, this headline says “Trump Considers Additional
Travel Restrictions.” [ Light laughter ]
Headline could have been, “Parents Not Buying That
Your New Nose Ring is For the School Play.” [ Laughter and applause ] Next headline was, “Colorado
Sees Unexpected Snow.” Headline could have been, “Critics Pan
New James Bond Film.” [ Laughter and applause ] -He’s on a horse. -Now I see that.
Now I see it. I still would see it, man. Next headline was “Bill Barr
Rebuked By Judge.” Headline could have been, “Man
Suddenly Remembers That Time He Ate an Entire Jar of
Peanut Butter With a Spoon.” [ Laughter and applause ] -There’s a lot stress at work. -Yeah. Those are blue times. -This next headline was “Prince William and Kate
Middleton Tour Ireland.” Headline could have been,
“Couple Coerced Into Trying Neighbor’s Kombucha Home Brew.” [ Laughter and applause ] -“Sure. Want to try it? You go first.” [ Sputtering ] -Next headline was, “Bernie
Sanders Reveals Major Plans.” [ Light laughter ]
Headline could have been, “Grandpa Reports:
‘Hamilton’ too rappy.'” [ Laughter and applause ] “Too rappy.
I didn’t care for it.” -“That play was too rappy.”
[ Laughter ] “How much rap can one put?”
-“Ugh, it’s rappy. Too rappy.” Next headline was
“Zuckerberg Vows to Stop the Spread of Misinformation.” Headline could have been
“‘Love Is Blind’ Contestant Can’t Believe How Hot
His Future Wife Is.” [ Laughter and applause ] What has two thumbs way up?
-This guy. Headline over here is
“Biden Continues To Hold Lead.” Headline could have been, “Drunk Farmer Double Udders Milk
Straight Into Mouth.” [ Laughter and applause ] Let’s have some respect
for the animal. [ Laughter ] And finally this headline was “Los Angeles County Votes
in Primary.” Headline could have been
“Sunday Afternoon Visit to Trader Joe’s a Mistake.”
[ Laughter and applause ] That’s all the time we have
for “News and Improved.”